VALENTINES DAY VENTING

It's that fabulous time of year again where my single status seems to be more evident and pronounced than at any other time with the exception of my birthday.  I have nothing against Valentines day in general.  I support love and peace so anything to promote such qualities and attributes gets my support.  I do think however, that the commercialism of Valentines day dose send a false ideal at times of what love truly is.  Okay, so I know I probably shouldn't be spouting off my opinions on love and what not because I'm anything but an expert on the subject.  I'm not a big dater and I don't go around having ncmo sessions or anything like that. 

So even though I don't fit the mold of the cultural and Mormon religious norm of wife and mother, I'm really proud of what I've done in my life.  It's taken a long time for me to really try to come to grips with the idea that my life has turned out differently than what I was taught to expect.  I admit some days I still struggle because I do still hope to be married one day and have a family. But I have learned that if I can't be happy with whatever my circumstances are at present, I will never learn to be happy with what they will be in the future - single or married.  I will admit that I do blame a lot of my frustrated feelings on what I was taught at church.  I know I could have been spared a lot of frustration if I had been taught that correctly - that there are many paths within the gospel that lead to happiness and being prayerful about your life will lead you to do whatever it is you are to do. Sometimes that means getting married and sometimes it doesn't.  It is not for us to judge the marital status and situation of others.  We don't know for what purpose someone may remain single.

  A few years ago a friend expressed concern for me because he was afraid I wasn't happy.  I told him that even though my life turned out differently than I expected I had a ton to be happy about - fabulous family and friends, a good job I enjoyed, keeping busy with fun activities that I liked to do, I was healthy, I wanted to start grad school, etc...  As a single I've been able to do all sorts of fabulous things and I really feel like I've been led down the path that God has intended for me.  I hate it when people make comments that make me feel like I'm not living up to my potential because I'm not married or don't have children yet.  I've been doing exactly what I was meant to do and that part of my life will happen when it happens as long as I continue to seek out good opportunities in my life and make choices that bring me peace. 

Moving to China was one of those decisions that brought me peace.  I don't know why I'm here but I came because I felt good about taking this step.  When I would tell people I was moving to China the conversation would be something like this...

ME:  I'm moving to Beijing, China to work for Disney.  I'm really excited about it!

FRIEND:  Wow!  China?  Why are you moving there?

ME:  I don't know.  I felt peace about it so I'm going and I think it is a great opportunity.  

FRIEND:  Maybe you'll meet your husband there.  

Uh what?  Why can't people just be happy and excited for me because I'm living my life?  Why does the "husband thing" always have to be the second thing out of people's mouths?  I can't tell you how many times I had that conversation with people before moving here!  Like I said, I do desire to be married someday but why does every decision I make have to relate to meeting my husband?  When I was 18 and went to Ricks College, people said, "You'll get married at Ricks." Then I went to BYU and people said, "You will meet someone at BYU and get married."  Then I went on my mission to Honduras and when I returned a year and half later and went back to BYU I heard "Well you served your mission so it's time to get serious about getting married." Well then I finished school and moved back home to Oregon and of course people made comments about "your husband is probably in Oregon" and then when I moved to Texas it was "your husband is in Texas - you'll meet someone there."  So my point is that the continuous comments do nothing to change what is meant to be which is at present, to live a fulfilled life as a single person and not a married one and guess what - It is possible to be single and happy!  Why can't my life be about just me progressing as a person and meeting new people in general?  Everything I've learned and am learning in my life through my studies, my work experience, my travels, my friends, and everything else I've experienced is always to prepare me for whatever lies ahead in the life I feel my Heavenly Father wants and needs me to lead.  If what lies ahead for me is to remain single and serve in that capacity then it is because that is exactly what I am to do.  If what lies ahead for me means that I am to be married and begin that journey then that is just as good because it is what is meant for me.

So the point of this post is first, stop teaching young people to expect to get married at a young age because it honestly may not happen for a long time and IT IS OKAY! Reminder to church friends, there is no official doctrine that teaches marriage should occur at or by a certain age.  Think of all the wisdom and experience two older people could bring to a relationship.  It doesn't matter how old you are when you get married.  Would you want someone to get married for the sake of doing so to fit in with a false cultural expectation?  I'd rather stay single than marry someone because I was expected to or marry someone I didn't love. The second point is,  if you know a single person, just praise them for all the wonderful and positive things they have done with their life instead of making them feel bad about what they haven't done.  Everyone contributes in their own way and someone's relationship status does not determine how good a person they are.  I don't want this post to come across as "anti-marriage" because I'm not.  I'm just" pro- live your life the way you are meant to live it and be happy if you are single or married."